I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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