Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
