I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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