Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
