I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
