I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
