lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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