It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
