We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
