Kiss
Puke
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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