We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
