Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
