just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
