The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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