Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
