I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
