god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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