My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
