I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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