I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When are your genitals available?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
