exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
