i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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