Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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