Duck Duck Cougar?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
