There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
