Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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