i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
