I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
