so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
