so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
