You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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