I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
