I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
