i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
