I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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