I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
