I swear she didn't look like that last week.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize