So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
