do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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