I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It was confusing and full of hummus
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize