the condom got lost in my hair
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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