Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
