bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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