I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
