cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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