Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Randomize