I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
