I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
