nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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