So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
