I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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