All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hate all girls vehemently.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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