well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
