dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
