Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
