Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
