So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize