Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
