I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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