i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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