well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
