Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
