I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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