She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
