We named our party play list daddy issues
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
