What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize