when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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