i just google imaged poop.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
