So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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