dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
