Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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