Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
