Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
