I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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