No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the condom got lost in my hair
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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