Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
