dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
