I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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