So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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