I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize