after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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