her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
