He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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