rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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