forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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