Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
