my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
