Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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