Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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