Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
