yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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