I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
