pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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