We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
