idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
