I wish life had little blips of pornography
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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