woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
