Who did Billy Mays play for?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
